Secrets Revealed
by 12x
Summary: "Nothing had changed about the useless manservant, except for what I knew about him. His eyes followed my every move. He didn't know how I would react. I didn't know how I would react." "The same thought, the same time. Oh, hell." Reveal-fic.
1. Chapter 1

I ran. It's all I could do. An instinct. If you see a sorcerer, kill it. It's evil. If you can't beat it by yourself, run. That's what I had been taught. What if you were taught wrong? I silently asked myself. What if your father is wrong Arthur? I went on. What if it isn't evil? What if it's the person that wields it that makes magic evil? I stopped. I would be committing treason if I didn't tell King Uther. The crown prince against the King's laws? Insane.

I slowly sat down. Where was I? I remember running down. Past the dungeons, and past the gate. I looked around. I was in a cave. The walls were roughly made in the tunnel I came through, and the caves natural formations provided hazards all around; I was on a ledge that had stairs heading to the rock in the center of the room. The rock was scratched, like some animal had rested there for years. I slowly started to go down. I had to get a closer look.

Then I saw it. The chain. I realized where I was. The Great Dragon's cave. Its prison thanks to my father. When he came to this land, it was overrun by magic. He hunted down even the slightest magical being, and killed all of them, except for this one, which he kept locked under the castle as an example. The dragon had somehow gotten out of this cave last month, we were still recovering from the damages it caused in its fight for revenge. For some reason, the hate that rose to my mind was not for the dragon, nor was it for the sorcerer that had let it loose. No, it was for the man that had started it all.

I heard footfalls, but couldn't turn my head away from the chain. It was broken in the middle of a link. It was such a heavy chain as well. Was the dragon able to fly at all the last twenty years? Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I slowly turned away and looked at the person who followed me here. The feeling of betrayal rose in my throat. Merlin. The man had been with me for years, yet he never trusted me enough to tell me. He had magic. He used it. He had saved my life with it.

He still looked the same. Wearing his always present neckerchief, and his ebony hair disheveled. Skinny as a twig, his eyes still full of emotion. Nothing shouted, "I'm different! I'm evil! I use magic!" Nothing had changed about the useless manservant, except for what I know about him. His eyes followed my every move. He didn't know how I would react. _I _didn't know how I would react.

"Arthur. . . . I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have found out this way. I should have told you long ago," he said his voice heavy with regret. My first instinct was to lay it off as a lie. Sorcerers can't feel anything but hate. My second thought was that this was Merlin. He couldn't hurt a fly, let alone hate someone completely, and he is the worst liar in the world. Or at least, that's what he acted like. It was unfathomable. He kept this from me for so long, and yet he can't lie about me missing training. So was the thought of him being able to kill something with a couple of words and a flick of his wrist. I had seen that with my own eyes. Maybe the unfathomable isn't all that unfathomable.

"I. . . . . . I don't. . . . . . Should I?" I said slowly. He looked at me. I could tell he knew how confused I was, that I had to chose between my friend and the laws of my kingdom.

I looked up when there were more footsteps. A shadowed figure came into my line of sight. Merlin tensed while I reached for my sword. He hadn't seen it. Did he really think I would attack him? After all he had done for me without any credit?

"So the prince has finally found out about your gift Merlin?" the figure said in a woman's voice, "did you tell him about mine? Or will I have to demonstrate?" She slowly raised her hand. "Claovern wasilek foresen-"

That's when Merlin reacted. He looked at her with such anger; even my bravest knights would have frozen in fear. "Reaixon foeris lerona!" he yelled out. The woman flew back into a wall. I froze. The hood had fallen off. It was Morgana. Her black hair in the usual curls, her green eyes glaring out from under her raised eyebrows. She, the king's ward, practiced magic? She was going to use it on me?

He slowly walked forward. "You may plot to kill the king. You may try to cast a spell to make him worse then he is now. But you may never, ever, try to harm Arthur. That's too far Morgana. It's not him that's trying to get rid of our kind," he said quietly, but the words scared me all the same. I knew she was going to use it on me, but to harm me?

She laughed. "You think you scare me? You can't do anything to me. Uther would have you killed!"

"No," I started slowly," He can't do anything, but I can. I, Arthur Pendragon, arrest you, Morgana Le Fay, for acts of treason, and attempts to harm this kingdom, and its subjects. Merlin, fetch the king."

He did as I said. As soon as he left, I looked at her. The woman that had grown up as a sister. The one that I always felt I needed to protect. Yet my sword did not waver from its position in front of her. I didn't feel like I needed to protect her anymore. She had tried to harm Camelot, and for that, all pretenses were dropped. She was a threat, and needed to be contained.

We heard rushed footsteps heading for us. Morgana sat up slightly, only to have my sword stop her.

"Do not move or I will not hesitate." I heard myself say.

"Poor Arthur. You think that a sword can protect you from magic?"

Then the last things I heard was her speaking in a different language, the yell of pain escaping my throat, and the footsteps stop as the rounded they corner just in time to see it all play out, before my world went black.


	2. Chapter 2

First my hearing came back. I could hear the birds chirping, and some glass clinking close by. Then the headache hit. Sure, I've been hung over before, but this was worse. Much worse.

"Are you sure about that Gaius?"

"Sire, I am his guardian. I would know if he was."

"How soon do you think Arthur will wake up? "

"It could be anywhere from today to next week sire. I cannot be sure."

"And this magic… will it have any lasting affects?"

"Again sire, I cannot be sure. I do not know what the spell was meant to do."

"Alright. Send for me when he wakes."

"Yes sire."

I heard them both get up, and walk towards me. Then there was a hand on my cheek for a brief second, so light I almost believe I imagined it. Then I heard Uthur leave.

"Poor boy. He of all people should not have to be surrounded by all this dark magic. It affects his heath more than any natural cause. "

"Gaius. Talking to yourself will not help anything. Helping me find a counter spell however….." Merlin's voice rang out with humor.

"You are right."

For the next while, all I heard was the turn of pages. It was in this silence that I finally found enough peace of my mind to think about my situation. So I did what I always do when I need to figure something out. I made a list of the facts.

Morgana tried to kill me.

I was prepared to kill her.

Merlin uses magic.

Magic is banned in Camelot.

Merlin is trying to find a counter spell.

Gaius is helping him.

How do I feel about this list? Thinking of this as a whole will not work. One at a time.

Morgana tried to kill me. This doesn't shock me. We've grown apart, and with what I have seen of her, this does not seem unlikely. It's how she went about it that bothers me. Learning magic to for that. She must have another motive. She always does. She disappeared days ago, and yet she was back for this. Observation is my only choice.

I was prepared to kill her. Again, this isn't shocking. She threatened me. I've been taught to get rid of threats.

Merlin uses magic. This one is harder. I didn't see it coming. I don't feel threatened though. It's almost a passive feeling. I know I will not allow myself to lose Merlin. Even if he uses… that.

Magic is banned in Camelot. It's the law. Laws can be wrong, right? There is always a possibility.

Merlin is trying to find a counter spell. What is there to counter though? Why is it needed? Do I really want him to use magic on me?

Gaius is helping him. That must mean he knows. How long has he? Why didn't he give Merlin up when he found out?

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the gentle hand on mine. "I will find out what spell she used on you. I will fix whatever it caused, but you need to wake up Arthur. It's the only way I'll be able to figure out what spell she used on you." I heard Gaius leave the room as Merlin continued.

"This isn't how this was supposed to happen. I was going to tell you. I really was. I just couldn't figure out how. I mean, who knows how you would have reacted if I walked up to you someday and told you that I'm a warlock? I guess this might have been the only way that you wouldn't kill me on the spot, but I still might be killed. Who knows what you think." I heard him move away. "Wake up soon, Arthur. For your sake as much as mine."

* * *

He left the room hours ago. So why do I get the feeling I'm being watched? Why do I feel like something is slowly pushing down on my chest, making it harder to breath?

* * *

Arthur is a prat, I'll admit it. But he's my prat. No one can change that. No one but him. I know he loves Gwen. She's perfect for him. Yet that knowledge weighs heavy on my mind. After what happened, I may never get to see what happens with them. I won't be there to protect them. It's all a matter of time. They do not know that I took Sigan's spirit into me. Only Gaius does. He doesn't know that I wasn't able to get rid of him quickly enough though. Today I found the spell that was muttered with Sigan's dying breath. Found its affects. What it does. How long it will take. I plan to make use of the time I have left, no matter how short.

Perhaps Arthur will learn to trust me again. I cannot ask him to do this for me if he does not trust me. I don't trust me though. I hardly trust myself with the simplest spells now. Ever since the dreams have started, I can't bring myself to trust me. I now know what Morgana feels like after every dream. To know the future, and to have so little power over it. The possibilities are endless. The endlessness of it all will soon cause me to lose myself if I am not careful.

Perhaps I should not be careful. Perhaps I should throw caution to the wind. Perhaps I should allow myself to be lost in the possibilities, never to wake again. Perhaps I should lessen the possibilities that are possible by removing a factor, even if that factor is me.


	3. Chapter 3

"Boy."

I froze in the hallway, slowly turning around as I lowered the basket with Arthur's laundry in it. Why does Uther need to talk to me? I bowed slightly, and then set the basket down. Even with the King in front of me, there is now way I will carry that more than I have too.

"Yes Sire?"

"How did you and my son happen across that cave?"

"I- uh, you see, it was all- all by chance you see, sire." Keeping up appearances is a pain. It's like suicide to have to act afraid of him though.

"Chance? What is the chance of you and my son getting past multiple guards, gates under lock and key, and without anyone seeing you?"

"I do not know, sire."

"I have a feeling it is something to do with you."

"Sire?" I couldn't hide the tone of fear in my voice.

"If you will come with me, boy…"

All of the sudden, I wasn't acting anymore.

* * *

"Sire, if you would take this."

"Thank you Gaius," I said before drinking the contents of the vile. "Or not."

Gaius laughed at me. He laughed! I couldn't help but think of times in the past when I would spend days trying to get the same result.

"Could you take this bandage off of my head, Gaius? I'm getting sick of not seeing what I'm doing."

"Bandage, Sire? You had no head injuries, nor is there a bandage on your head. Are you feeling alright?"

I slowly reached up. No bandage over my eyes. "Gaius…. I can't see."

Something shattered on the floor.

* * *

"How did Arthur find that cave?"

"I do not know." Uther's gloved hand slapped me.

"Do not lie to me boy."

"I am not, Si-" This time it was a punch to the gut. "Sire."

"You will tell me."

"How can I tell you something I do not know?"

This time, I almost welcomed the blow to my temple.

"What caused him to find that cave." Uther's voice grew colder.

"I do not-"

I lost consciousness in a burst of stars.

* * *

"There is no cause for this to happen."

"Well, I can't see, so there has to be a cause somewhere!"

"Then there is no scientific cause, Sire."

"So it's magic, isn't it. Merlin can fix it, then."

"I am not so sure, Sire."


	4. Chapter 4

I stumbled back into the room a few hours later.

"Merlin! Are you alright? Where did you get this bruise?"

I flinched when Gaius touched the forming bruise on my temple.

"I tripped."

"Way to go, _Mer**lin**_." My head snapped up to see Arthur sitting on the bed.

"How are you feeling, Arthur?" I asked hesitantly. I still don't know how he feels about my magic. Or what happened. The spell. I need to get the spell.

"He has gone blind. I do not know if it is temporary."

"What! Was it the spell?"

"I believe so. I must find Uther. He wanted to know when Arthur woke up."

Gaius left quickly. Now I must face Arthur.

"I am alright with you using….. that. So, first things first. Find something to make me see again."

At least I didn't have to ask him.

* * *

I threw my book away in frustration.

"Do you remember the spell she used on you?"

"Something like, um, Tha- Thait- Broncic, ah, um, Talinorta?"

"Theilt Bricancic Trolanta?"

"That's it!" Arthur looked ready to jump for joy. I, on the other hand, just put my head in my hands. Great. Of all the spells she could have used. This one.

"Well, get on with it Merlin, we don't have all day!"

"Arthur…. I don't know how to tell you this, but. Um."

"What is it?" Arthur sounds worried. He looks worried.

"it will take at least a month to counter that. However," I added as panic broke across his face," I do know a spell that will let you see the general shape of things, but not writing, and only large or hard objects."

* * *

"Are you sure you won't mess this up?"

"I know I won't Arthur. I've had a lot of practice with this spell."

"What do you mean?"

"First the sight spell. Thelictrea stro benanor!" instantly, I could see the table, Merlin, and the general layout of the room.

"Thank you Merlin."

"Don't. Now I have to use a different spell on you. You can't remember that Morgana attacked you. I'm sorry."

"Wait, Merlin, why can't I-"

"Reaixon foeris lerona!"

I blinked.

"Merlin, the seeing spell worked!"

It didn't let me see the guilt ridden look on his face, however.


	5. Chapter 5

A punch to the gut.

My knees taken out from under me.

Kick in the stomach.

Being pulled up by my hair.

Feeling his breath on my face as he asked, "How did you find it?"

A punch to the jaw before I could respond.

* * *

"So I'm allowed to try and walk now?"

"Yes Sire. It's been a week since you've woken up, and if I make you wait any longer, you might try it on your own."

"There is no _might_ in that statement."

"So tell me what this seeing spell Merlin used is like." Gaius said sitting down across from me at the table.

"Everything is see through."

"See through, Sire?" He asked with a hint of amusement.

"I can see the edges of stuff, in this blue tint, but where the thing is, like that wall for example, is clear. Empty. I can see Gwen coming up the stairs now."

"What do you mean by that?"

There was a knock at the door.

* * *

"Get out of my sight."

I managed to breathe out a, "Yes Sire," before stumbling into the hallway. I have to get to that alcove. I can fix some of this there. I was gasping for air by the time I made it. "Sterlint borlania tromakcia." It wasn't a powerful healing spell. Just enough to erase the injuries that could be seen. But that is all that I can do. Otherwise Uther will realize I'm exactly what he thinks I might be. I sat on the bench next to the window. I could rest for a while before going to check on Arthur.

* * *

"Gaius, I was just bringing Prince Arthur his food from the kitchens." Gwen had said.

It was a _bit _more than that. After that, she went to my chambers and got me some of my own clothes, as well as the reports I needed to read.

Then she decided that I needed something to cheer me up, Gaius and Merlin as well, she said, before going off to pick some flowers.

By the time she got back, it was time for dinner, so she decided to cook for me and Gaius, seeing as Merlin still hadn't shown up.

It was absolutely _infuriating_.

I was about to get yell about how it was, when I realized why she was doing this. With Morgana gone, she had no extra duties, other than to keep her room clean and ready for her return.

It was then that I started to really feel like I lost my almost-sister. That witch had taken her, and we have no idea what she's going though.

I was lucky the room was empty when I started to cry.

* * *

**_Angels have no thought of ever returning you,_**

**_Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?_**

**_Gloomy Sunday,_**

**_Sunday is gloomy,_**

**_With shadows I spend it all,_**

**_My heart and I have decided to end it all,_**

**_Soon there'll be flowers and prayers that are sad,_**

**_I know, let them not weep,_**

**_Let them know that I'm glad to go,_**

**_Death is no dream,_**

**_For in death I'm caressing you,_**

**_With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you,_**

**_Gloomy Sunday._**

I shot up from the bench as the last chords of the song in my dream played out, the lyrics lost in the swarm of feelings.

I dreamt of the far future, long when I would usually be dead. Then I remembered. I wouldn't be dead. I would be back again, and again, thanks to Sigan. Immortality is what many call a blessing, when they do not have it. I will find out if it truly is. Only the music remained in my head.

All except one line, "My heart and I have decided to end it all."


	6. Chapter 6

"There you are, _Merlin_. It's about time you showed up. Gaius said I could return to my room, but he said you had to make sure I didn't fall. Like _I_ would! It's _you_ he should be worried about. With the tripping and getting a bruise, that I _still_ can't see, mind you. Speaking of which, have you started on that counter-spell yet? I'm sick of only seeing blue outlines. Though it is kind of cool to see though stuff."

I couldn't help but ramble. I was worried about Merlin, the idiot he was, and no amount of magic will ever change that.

"Yes, well, seeing though stuff could have its downfalls."

"Like what?"

"Some things are better off left behind walls."

My head snapped to look at Merlin. Innocent little Merlin. Was he really implying _that?_

"I was going to start on the spell now, but if you want to go back to your room." He trailed off.

"No, no, no. I want to see this magic at work."

"Follow me then, Mr. I-can-see-though-walls."

"_Merlin_!"

* * *

"I have to drink what?"

"The potion that takes a month to brew, after I have cast the spell on it, of course."

"I have to drink_ what_?"

I let out a laugh, before flinching when it moved my heavily bruised ribs.

"Alright Arthur, there's nothing else I can add to this tonight," I said gesturing to the vial I've been standing over for the last three hours.

"Good. Now get me to my chambers. I'm sick of this place."

* * *

"This is so disorientating!" I said loudly falling onto my bed.

"And why is that?" Merlin asked distractedly.

"I can see though everything! Even the floor! There are some things nobody should be forced to see!"

"Mhmm. Sure." He muttered. He blew out the candle, and muttered a goodnight, but was out of the door before I could respond.

* * *

I shot up from bed grabbing the dagger from under my pillow. I scanned the room before realizing that it was a vision I had seen, not my reality. My gaze rested heavily on the dagger in my hand.

Why do I sit here and live a life? It's only full of misplaced pity and strife.

Why do I dream of the future, when it is full of trouble and might not be all that it seems?

Why do I bother bothering? Is it only for a petty song future minstrels will sing?

I let the blade rest on the bare skin of my forearm.

I didn't know that Arthur was right outside, coming to tell me about the girl Sir Kay had taken to his bed. I didn't know that he sat outside of my door, hoping what he was seeing was only a dream. I didn't see the relief on his face as I put the dagger away a long while later, with nothing on my skin to show for my struggle.

I only knew I wanted Arthur to be able to see before I allowed myself to leave.

* * *

**_A/N: Thank you Charliieee for giving me that idea, though I did mold it more to my will. Not what you really expected, huh? Thank you all for reviewing, and I hope this was a halfway decent chapter._**


	7. Chapter 7

I was used to this by now. How much it hurt to do anything now. How easy it was to brush off the marks he left on my skin. So why did I still try to hide this from Arthur?

I know why.

I just don't want to admit it to myself.

It will always haunt me, but it is what needs to be done.

Suppressed. Destroyed. Ignored at least.

Now when Uther does what he feels needs to be done, I take it as a reminder.

A warning.

* * *

It's been two weeks since I saw him that night. He hasn't shown any sign of being that way. He doesn't seem like the type. Just like he didn't show any sign of his sorcery. His bloody sorcery.

I roll over on my bed.

Sorcery isn't evil. Though it does change everything.

I rolled over again.

These thoughts won't help anything. I've been lying to my father this whole time. We have said that the spell has caused me to not be able to fight, due to something in my muscles. Or something along that line of thought. I've forgotten. Gaius says he is working on a natural cure. Lies again. My life is surrounded by lies.

For some reason, I don't care. Actually, I'm _damn_ happy about it.

* * *

Uther is right. The thought runs through my head at another time of him beating me. He is right about everything. It's my fault Arthur found the cave. It wasn't chance. It does have something to do with me.

It was my magic. That's what led him there. The spell I put on him so that I could find him. Magic wants to follow the same paths, over and over. I had used the magic that had brought me down there before. So it brought him there.

Uther is right about magic as well. Partially, at least. It isn't evil. It does corrupt, however. Slowly but surely, it corrupts the best of us.

Uther's slap brought me back to earth.

"You will tell me, Boy."

I made my decision then.

"Yes, Sire, I will."

* * *

"There is about a week left on that potion, right?" Gaius asked me and Merlin.

"Two days," Merlin said quickly, "Until I don't have to listen to this _prat_ complain anymore."

"Two days," I repeat before adding, "Until we see if he isn't as much as an _idiot_ as we think."

We all laughed at that.

* * *

Midnight.

It is the time of the night when the best can happen.

The worse can happen as well.

It is the time when some of those who fall asleep will never wake again.

* * *

I let out a loud laugh.

"Sire, ye should be getting!" Sir Cevelan got though his laughter. A few of the other knights nodded.

"Well, if you're that desperate to get rid of me." I said with humor, "then you can check on the night guards!"

I got out of there before they could protest.

* * *

_So be it. If you will not join me, then I will become you, and your power will be harnessed to my will!_

The feeling of ice running throughout my mind and body.

The pain flashes through my mind.

_The muttered, "troeanlia vocietiana therfokrod feastotanela!" followed by a dying breath._

Searching through the book, fear heavy on my heart.

_You can't hide anything from me, Merlin._

Sadness at the fact that I can. I do.

_You are completely useless._

Feeling like I'm falling off the wall, yet clinging to it with all my might. Covering it up with a sarcastic remark.

_I wanted you to know that I never doubted you. All right, maybe I did, but it's your own fault. You've got a suspicious look about you. Shifty. Like you've got something to hide._

Pain at the truth in his words.

_My methods are infallible, my findings incontestable. The facts point to one person and once person alone. The boy, Merlin!_

The look on Arthur's face as the words are said.

_And what would you know about magic, Merlin?_

_Nothing._

Everything.

_Merlin if anything should happen to me look after Gwen; the world may think she is just a servant - dispensable; But she not dispensable to me._

Pain mingled with happiness.

_For once Merlin will you do as I say!_

Not if it means leaving you.

_I feel great! What the **hell** did you give me?_

Something you would kill me for allowing.

_An arrow speeding toward Arthur._

The fear on his face when he figured it out.

_Arthur collapsing at Morgana's feet._

Fear and panic.

Desperation.

_Finding the spell that was muttered so long ago._

The loss of all feelings.

I woke up with a scream.


	8. Chapter 8

"Todays the day, Arthur!"

"Did you have to wake me up?"

"It's midday, you know."

"You better be lying to me, _Merlin_."

"I'm not."

I sat up quickly, grabbing the pillow and throwing it at him.

"_Ow!_ I'm sorry, the potion need the person who takes it to have a certain amount of sleep beforehand!"

I grunted and fell back onto the bed.

"I'll go and get your armor ready; you have practice in an hour. Breakfasts on the table, and meet me in Gaius's chambers after dinner with your father."

I groaned at the thought.

* * *

It's odd to feel this happy. It has been a while. Perhaps I can stay in this mood for a while.

"Boy."

There went the happy mood. "Yes, Sire?"

"Tell me again how my son found that cave."

"We were on patrol, Sire, when we found the group of bandits that have been attacking the merchants. I usually go on patrol with the knights once a week, Sire, and I had missed the week before. The bandits attacked. We had the advantage, and quickly subdued them. However, there seems to have been one that got away, that shot off three arrows toward us from the top of a hill opposite of us. One narrowly missed Prince Arthur, one landed at the feet of one of the knights, and another imbedded itself in a tree beyond us."

"Yes, but how did he find the cave?"

"As we returned, Prince Arthur saw a man steal a noble's purse. He dismounted, handed the reins off to Sir Leon, and began the chase, me a few steps behind. The thief led him down to the cave, where he then started to talk, and Prince Arthur told me to find you. The thief attacked Arthur with magic, and then transported him away, Sire, as I said before."

"That almost fits, boy, except for one thing," Uther leaned forward, "It was a_ woman _that put that spell on my son, not a man. Guards! Take him to the dungeons."

Suddenly that dream from two weeks ago didn't seem so unreal.


	9. Chapter 9

"Merlin!_ Merlin_! Where the_ hell _is he!"

I continued pacing Gaius's chambers. Tonight was the night that I get my sight back, and he doesn't even bother to be on time! As soon as I can get my hands on a mace, I swear to-

"Gaius! They've arrested Merlin for lying to the Ki-"Gwen burst inside. "-ng. Hello, um, err, Sire."

"Gwenivere, wait. Merlin's been _arrested_?"

I ran out of the room after her stuttered response.

* * *

I've been in here for seven hours.

Arthur is supposed to meet me in Gaius's chambers at dusk.

I've no idea when that is.

I used to like the dark, back in Ealdor. I could use my magic in the dark. It was the only time home felt like_ home._

The dark doesn't seem like home now. Not since I came here. Now the dark brings back memories.

It turns the good memories against me. That is the worst torture imaginable. To remember innocent things, and have your mind change it into something that hurts more than whatever seems bad at any time.

_**You are a question that has never been posed before, Merlin.**_

Would it be better if that question never was? A darker voice in my mind asks.

_**The half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole.**_

Is that really a good thing? It continues.

_**That... I am only one side of a coin. The brighter side obviously!**_

Well, brighter on the outside. Those lies do seem to shine more than anything else. Sarcasm laced its every word.

**_Still alive then?_**

**_Yeah, just about. I understand I have you to thank for that._**

Why couldn't he leave you for dead? Then you wouldn't have caused it_. Any _of it. It persists.

**_'Brechdan An Weal'. I heard you. I saw you. Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me, but I cannot take the credit for what I did not do. There'll be no more lies, no more deceit._**

Why did he keep that secret? "There'll be no more lies, no more deceit." The voice snorts. Well, _that _didn't happen.

**_You seem too bright to be just a servant._**

Too bad you're _not_ just a servant.

**_I'm your friend._**

**_No, Merlin. You're my servant._**

Why didn't it stay that way?

**_Emrys. Emrys. Where are you, Emrys? Emrys, help us. Please. They're coming. I'm scared, Emrys. They'll kill me. Don't do this. Don't ignore me. I know you can hear me. I thought you were my friend. We are the same. I don't want to die. Emrys. Emrys! EMRYS!_**

Why the_ hell _didn't you listen to that_ damn_ dragon? If only you knew that name was forever going to be your curse.

_**So how does it feel to be servant to the Crown Prince of Camelot?**_

The best feeling in the world. Its voice deepens. That's why you haven't left. You're too selfish.

**_It was me. I'm the one who used the magic._**

You killed him. It's your fault Will's not alive.

**_Arthur was willing to sacrifice his life to save yours._**

That shouldn't be true. He should hate you. _I _hate you, so why can't he?

**_But at what cost? At the cost of women and children, fathers and sons! When will it end?_**

It wasn't the king you were talking about at that moment.

**_His life is worth a hundred of mine._**

That's a _lie._ It's worth _so _much more than that.

My arms moved against the shackles around my wrists. One almost cut into the soft skin. A thrill trailed up my spine, ignored by my continued thoughts.

_**I just want Arthur to trust me and to see me for who I really am.**_

Those will never go hand in hand.

_**Are you trying to impress her?**_

Your heart was crushed, wasn't it? Ground into pieces.

**_You can't hide anything from me, Merlin._**

Well, if that isn't irony, you're not a suicidal _freak._

**_Look on the bright side, you've still got me!_**

_**Was that supposed to cheer me up?**_

You wish it did.

**_Merlin, I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate it, you're a true friend._**

You suffocated on guilt in that moment, sadness pricking your skin.

_**It'll only bring you to the brink of death.**_

Why did you take such a stupid risk?

**_I'm not a witch. No dress or anything._**

You never said anything about a Warlock.

**_Uther won't forgive you if he finds out that you've collaborated with a sorcerer._**

You let him for years. You _hypocrite._

**I _am not "most people."_**

No truer words were ever spoken.

**_I am the future king of Camelot, you know. I do have some skills._**

Then why does he need you? That's right, he doesn't, not really.

_**Tell me the poison or you'll die.**_

_**But she'll die with me.**_

You should have died, as long as she died with you.

_**Listen to me. My son. I've seen enough in you to know that you will make me proud.**_

Is he proud of you now, Merlin?

Tears silently fell down my face. The shackles cut into my wrist again. It dawned on me what I should do._ Dawn_. I'll allow myself one more sunrise.

One sunrise after Arthurs healed.

* * *

**A/N: Reviews? *blinks* There's such a thing?**


	10. Chapter 10

It started out with pistons. Pushing back and forth, shoving things down the line. Next was something most liken to a waterfall. There is no water, though. From the top you can see nothing, but when you fall down the waterfall, you see everything. No matter what it is.

If it involves something being lost, at least. You'll see the few seconds before and after something is lost. More than that, you can do something with the onslaught of images._ Something Merlin is about to find out._

At the end of the line- the bottom of the waterfall- is the end of your session. You'll be lucky if it doesn't kill you. It's impossible to leave this place without sustaining _some_ damage.

_Sometimes damaging something is the only way to fix it._

* * *

Down.

Down to hallway, down the stairs. My thoughts on one place, holding one person. Down another staircase, turn to the right. Four steps, and a sharp turn to your left. _An alternate route_. Two things circling my head.

The dungeons.

Merlin.

* * *

I slowly rest my head on my hands. I feel a small smile, a real smile, begin to form on my face.

There's a contentment with knowing when you're going to die. A happiness at knowing you did something great beforehand. A cold, empty feeling at knowing where and how.

I reposition my elbows so the shackles bit into my wrists harder.

I didn't look up when the guards pass.

* * *

I follow the guards, hidden in the shadows. Prisoners lined both sides of the corridor, not giving away my presence. Which one was Merlin? I was beginning to hate this spell. I can't see facial features! Damnnit!

Then I saw it. A small, golden light connecting me and a figure in a cell. I knew then it was Merlin in that pitiful position.

"Merlin!" I hiss out. I watch as his figure jumps and starts toward the bars, only to be yanked back by the chains.

_"Arthur! It's ready already! Go! Before the guards see you!"_ I hear his voice in my head. For some reason, my body didn't react at all. My mind, however, began to race.

_"Alright, Merlin,"_ I think back unsurely, _"I'll be able to see you in the morning, literally."_

I spun on my heel, and walked away as a prince should. Even stride, strait shoulders, and my head held high. Never looking back.

* * *

_A lioness hitting a skull, the skull falling off a cliff into a river below._

_A man dressed in uniform, writing a note- which burned in the explosion a second later._

_A woman setting a pen down, the pen falling off the table, rolling across the carpeted floor._

_An arrow flying towards Arthur, a small book falling to the ground as the arrow hits the bandits leader instead._

_A chained hand reaching through, the air around it rippling like water, and grabbing the book before the prince turns- while and identical arm is pointed at the knights, changing their memory of the whole extange._

Merlin woke with a smile on his face, the sunlight streaming through the bars, and his plan for his demence forgotten.

A small book rests in his pale, chained hands.

_Sometime damaging something is the only way to fix it._


	11. Chapter 11

"The truth. _All_ of it."

"Sire," Merlin's cheek flared red, adding to the many colors of bruises already there. Uther slowly lowered his hand, after the pained groan reached his ears.

In a cave near Camelot's borders, morgana smiles cruelly. Morgause stands at her shoulder, her calculating gaze following the movements in the crystal.

* * *

"Sit down, and _then_ drink it! You would _think_ you would know better than a_ child_! You don't know how your body will react, Arthur!"

I did as he said. He is the court physician, after all.

"Best down it all at once, Sire." He said, most likely to make up for something or another he thought he did.

"I'm not a child, Gaius. Even then, I know to try not to taste medicine. I grew up with _you_, after all."

I drank the vial quickly. The aftertaste was almost…. pleasant.

All of the sudden, my vision was back, and I was face down on the ground.


	12. Chapter 12

Midnight.

It is the time of the night when the best can happen.

The worse can happen as well.

It is the time when some of those who fall asleep will never wake again.

* * *

Merlin looked out of his cells window, and into the night.

* * *

Arthur stood up, and glanced warily at the courtyard.

* * *

The same thought, the same time.

Oh, _hell._


	13. Chapter 13

"You're saying that this curse, the curse you put on a druid girl, passes on to the person who kills them?"

"Yes, My Lady, yes. That is not why I came to you."

"Then what is?" Morgause snarls.

"Calm down, sister," I say quietly, "and let the woman finish her story."

"The girl, Freya, she was killed by _Arthur Pendragon_."

* * *

"Come out, come out, wherever you are." Morgause called to the empty courtyard, taunting something nobody could see.

I get the feeling I'm being watched. Why do I feel like something is slowly pushing down on my chest, making it harder to breathe? I had felt this before, before I woke up. It was more insistent this time. Like last time, I tried to fight it. Eventually, I lost, letting out a strangled roar of pain.

* * *

Morgause's call and cruel laugh reached my ears as I watched through the bars. As she disappeared, her yell of, "it's coming!" was almost drowned out by a roar.

My eyes widened, the roar reminding me, taking me back.

_"Freya!"_ I slammed against the bars, of the window, then the door, trying to follow the sound.

_"Freya!"_


	14. Chapter 14

Heavy breathing, its nostrils flaring. Its ribs showing through its sides. The wings rustle, skimming the golden fir.

Its eyes widen, and then narrow into a predatory gaze. It could see the golden light, and it had the scent.

The hunt was on.

Arthur could do nothing; the beast he had become was in control.

And it was hunting Merlin.

* * *

"Freya!"

My breath heaved, my shoulders shaking in dry sobs.

"Freya! Freya?" I whisper the name once more, uncertain as glass and bricks land and shatter in the courtyard.

I grew silent as something padded towards me. A gold paw stopped beside the bars on the window, the beast sniffing the air.

A golden line blinked into existence, connecting me and the animal.

A cat-like face lowered to the bars, looking in on me.

"Arthur." I whisper, realization dawning.

"Arthur!" I began forward.

The beast- for it was not Arthur, whether it was his body or not- reached its arm through the bars, swinging for my unprotected chest.

I raised my arms, knowing it would do little good, as the warning bell began to ring.


	15. Chapter 15

_Merlin._

No. NO. NO!

I forced the beast to turn and take off. The pain of two of my worst and deeply hidden fears coming true had given me control.

The beast landed far away from Camelot, the strokes of its powerful wings causing the land to disappear with ease.

It collapsed as my emotions overflowed into whatever consciousness it possessed.

Merlin falling, his wrists cut bone deep. The image ran through my fevered mind with one thought.

_I had caused it._

* * *

I turned my head to the side, my vision becoming fuzzy from the blood loss. I forced myself to focus on the shape before me.

_The book._ The thought floated into my mind.

The book opened, without my magic willing it to do so. The words seemed to float off the page. I muttered them to myself with my last conscious breath.

All across Albion, those with magic fainted, their magic drawn away from their beings.

Flying through the sky, the last dragon sighed.


	16. Chapter 16

One breath grew heavier, the others faded quickly.

Both hanging ant the end of their chains.

A thin, gold chain, held up a stone, which opened to reveal a crystal center, though, the rock is rough, forbidding.

A thick, silver chain, weighed down by a crystal, rough around the edges, its silver exterior folding into a blackened core.

If you had to told one up, being one of them yourself, what one would you choose?

A hard, cold seeming rock, draped with wealth?

Or the warm, odd stone, beautifully shaped, with nothing to show for the handiwork?

They each chose the other, and that's what allowed to spell to complete itself.


	17. Chapter 17

My eyes fluttered open at their own accord. I just wanted to go back, to the darkness, to the comfort it brought.

_Merlin… Merlin…._

I silently groaned. That damn dragon!

My eyes focused as a shape loomed over me.

* * *

The beast fought for control, ramming against me mentally.

* * *

_Merlin…. Wake up young warlock….._

I slowly sat up my arms almost giving out under me.

_My arms._

I pulled them slowly in front of me, staring. Three cuts, faded to thick white scars. Under the skin, a silver spider web seemed to shift, shining in the fading moonlight.

_My arms were healed._

* * *

My skull seemed to be cracking, my bones seemingly shattered as dawn broke over a distant mountain.


	18. Chapter 18

"How, how did they- that's impossible!"

The dragon smirked above me. "It was improbable, yes, but it was never impossible."

"How am I alive?"

"It was the will of Avalon."

I groaned. Again with the riddles! Why didn't Arthur just kill the bea- Arthur!

"How do I reverse the curse on Arthur?"

"you must remind him of something, young warlock."

"remind him of what?" I ask agitated.

"It is cold and it is hot, it is white and it is dark, it is stone and it is wax, its true nature is of flesh, and its color is red."

"What does that mean?"

"that is for you to divide. Goodbye, young warlock, I must leave before dawn breaks."

"To _hell_ with your riddle!"

Kilgharrah laughed, before stating, "Then Arthur will follow in its wake."

He took off without stirring a leaf.


	19. Chapter 19

"How do I find Arthur?" I call after Kilgharrah's retreating form.

"How did he find you?" I heard faintly in return.

I sigh. Punching a tree seems very appealing.

* * *

I crawled to a tree, every fiber of my being screaming in pain. My breaths come in pants, my voice gone from using it to bring sound to my suffering.

* * *

I stumbled into the outlying village, my hand bleeding heavily.

It was just past midday, the sun just beginning its decent.

I walked into the lonely tavern, and sat down, reaching for a pack I didn't have.

"You look like you need some help, my friend."

I looked up at the voice, seeking the speaker.

The man's hair fell into his eyes, not long enough to touch his shoulders. He wore simple brown trousers, and a slightly off-white tunic. The white of his teeth shone out from under his shadowed eyes, his scruffy beard untrimmed. He gestured to my hand.

"It would be greatly appreciated." I answer, the riddle still plaguing my mind.

"So where are you from?" he asked, taking my hand and beginning to treat it.

"Camelot." I state, barely aware of the bandage wrapping around my hand.

"Hm, I hate the thought. Cold blooded nobles with hot tempers."

_It is cold and it is hot._

"It's all white stone and dark corners, Camelot." He continued, unaware of his words.

_It is white and it is dark._

"Have to use too many candles. All you see in the castle is stone and wax, honestly." He adds, tying off the bandage.

_It is stone and it is wax._

"Ah, the girls however. To even see those beauties!" he lets out a not-so-sober chuckle.

_Its true nature is of flesh._

"I'd gladly see them without the gold and red of the King." He finishes, and then empties his tankard.

_And its color is red._

"I work for a prat of a noble, who's off running around the _bloody_ woods." I say, knowing it was not so.

"Aye, nobles don't know when to stop. Don't know how their hearts keep up with them!"

"They're only human, thankfully." I chuckle. My eyes widen. "Thank you! _So much!"_ I call out, rushing for the door.

"My name's Gwaine!" He called after me, signaling for another tankard of wine.

His words never reached me.


	20. Chapter 20

A punch to the gut.

My knees taken out from under me.

A kick to the stomach.

Being pulled up by my hair.

Seeing him standing yards away from me as he asked," how did you find it?"

The ring adorned with the seal of Camelot yanked off my finger before I could respond.

* * *

_**When you've suffered enough**_

_**And your spirit is breaking**_

_**You're growing desperate from the fight**_

_**Remember you're loved**_

_**And you always will be**_

I shot up from my prone position, the lyrics lost in the swarm of pain.

I let out a groan, and lowered myself back down. I studied myself, looking for wounds. I had none. In fact, I am the same as always. All except for my ring. My ring is missing. I sighed. It could be worse. I began to try to remember my dream. Nothing came to me.

Nothing but one line, "you're growing desperate from the fight."

* * *

I shot up from my perch on a log, grabbing the dagger from the lining of my jacket. I scanned the forest surrounding me, and then passed the sound off as my imagination, not reality. I kept the dagger in my hand as a precaution.

Why have I not found Arthur? Surely he couldn't have gone that far.

Why does he trust me? I've done nothing but lied to him.

Why haven't I given up? Because I love him.

I let the painful smile I've been hiding reach my lips.

I didn't know that Arthur was near the tree line, about to call my name. I didn't know he watched me, pondering my usually hidden pain. I didn't see his relief when I started in his general direction without any knowledge of his presence.

I only knew that I could see the golden line that connected us, and that he had found me with it before.


	21. Chapter 21

Down.

Down the hill, down the bank. My thoughts on the riddle trying to figure out _how._ Down the riverbed, turn back the way you came. Four steps turn to the left._ Follow the light._ Two things circling my head.

Is he hurt?

The human heart.

* * *

He's spotted me, I know. I should say something to calm him from his frantic state.

"Thank God, it's about time you got here _Merlin."_

He took a deep breath, and then smiled. "Arthur, what does this remind you of what- no, how to say this? What does this remind you of that you have?"

Then Merlin lifted his arm, putting_ his own_ dagger to his throat, hard enough to draw blood. I watched as a drop traveled down pale fingers, and started to pool in an indent on the ring he wore.

_My ring._


	22. Chapter 22

"It reminds me that I have an_ idiot_ of a servant!"

"Deeper than that, Arthur."

"It reminds me that I have emotions."

"What causes these, Arthur?"

"My human heart._ My human heart_."

I watched as Arthurs body relaxed, the tension disappearing with the pain. I knew then that he was healed. Wholly and completely. I returned my dagger to its sheath, trying to ignore the thrill of it _on_ my neck, not of it leaving it.

"I'll race you to Camelot, you great prat."

* * *

**_A/N: The last chapter is next, and I'll most likely post it tonight._**


	23. Chapter 23

I ran. It's all I can do. An instinct. If you see a sorcerer, find out their intentions. It might not be evil. If it is, and you can't beat it yourself, run. Run to Merlin. He will help. That's what I had learned. I _was_ taught wrong. My father_ is_ wrong. Magic isn't evil. It's the person that wields it that decides. As soon as I walk through that gate, I will be committing treason. I slowed down.

"Merlin, I-"

"Arthur, I-"

"You first."

Merlin sighs and rubs his eyes, bringing my attention to the dark shadows underneath. Then I saw them. The scars. I realized what they were. Put there by my own hand, against my will. In twenty years, will I be able to look at them without guilt?

I looked at him with this in mind. He still looked the same. Wearing his always present neckerchief and his ebony hair disheveled. Skinny as a twig, his eyes still full of suppressed emotion. Nothing shouted, "I'm different! I'm suicidal! I almost killed myself!" everything had changed about the useless manservant, except for his loyalties. He stood taller, spoke less, but he was still Merlin. My Merlin.

"I should edit your memories. _Just_ for the time being. I should allow you to not be committing treason, Arthur. Next time you find out about my magic, all the blocks in your mind will disappear. That way you'll know everything before you decide again."

* * *

Arthur is a prat, I know. I watched his face as he made sense of my words. He's my prat, though. Nobody, nothing, can ever change that. Not even him, now. Perhaps Arthur will trust me again. I trust myself again, dreams or not. He looked up at me, and stated two words.

"Do it."

I nod and look at him in his last moments of knowing.

"Thank you, Arthur. Reaixon foeris leorna!"

"Merlin! The warning bells! Come on!" Arthur was gone like- like _magic!_ I laughed to myself at the thought. Then I followed, in a less maniac like way.

* * *

When the guard I had cornered had finished explaining, I set up my knights. Repair and prepare was my plan of action. Then I went to find that useless manservant, _again._

* * *

I ran into Gwen almost at once.

"Merlin, are you alright, oh, you must have been in Arthurs room when the beast attacked!"

I remembered the bruises on my face, and nodded to her story.

"Oh, Merlin." She hugged me tightly. "I hope your okay! I don't know what I would do without you!" she released me, and practically ran away to help another maid.

Suddenly, what I have was more than enough for me.

"Merlin! Have you _seen_ the state of the stables! Or of my_ room!_ The whole _wall_ is missing! And don't get me _started_ on my armor!"

Much, much more.

* * *

**_A/N: Done, I am done. Sequel is now started, and posted._**


End file.
